November 2nd, 2010

My favourite condiments (numbered list)

So Stuart at Create Me This has created me the ability to make properly formatted lists on Rose-coloured. I am celebrating this gift by making a list of my favourite condiments, which I realize some will say is a truly inane thing to do.

Fair ’nuff. But I think about condiments all the time, and like them far more than most foods they go on. I even have theories of condimentality, and I’m dying to share, and the list is such a handy format (I’ve learned from the list-making greats, after all).

First thing you will notice: this list does not contain ketchup, a condiment that I do respect very much for it’s endurance and cheerful colour and ability to get an enormous amount of sugar into a non-dessert food. However, I don’t put it in the top ten due to lack of versitility–I can put ketchup on hot dogs, hamburgers, fries and, in certain moods, eggs. That’s it. Ketchup on chicken or fish just sounds disgusting to me, and on a melted cheese product=beyond abhorrent (I have a gooey-on-gooey horror–melted cheese *is* the condiment). Also, ketchup can’t be in my condiment hall of fame because I have never had any desire to eat it unaccompanied (unlike the items listed below, which all pass the spoon test). So ketchup loses points, and I guess I am slightly more mature than we thought. Who knew?

Onward!

1. Hoisin sauce just got even better in my eyes because when I went to that Wikipedia article linked above, i found out it contains sweet potatoes, another one of my favourite (non-condiment) foods. It tastes like a sweet, sticky soy sauce and goes well on basically anything Asian or just plain meat and vegetables. Or a spoon.
2. Everyone knows what soy sauce is, but that doesn’t stop it from being awesome. It is like liquid salt, but with a dilute and slightly smokey taste. It is also one of the few condiments that can be accessorized well with another–delicious delicious wasabi paste can blend into soy sauce, disappearing while making it delightfully spicy.
3. Balsamic vinegar is dark and sweet, yet tangy and definitely vinegar–some of the fruity vinegars have a lot of sugar in them and taste a bit like Koolaid, but balsamic is the real deal. Delicious on sliced tomatoes or any kind of salad, especially green bean, plus on all kinds of unexpected foods like perogies and bread (as a provincial kid, I was thrilled when a waiter in an Italian restaurant suggested we put oil and vinegar on our plates and dip our bread into it–I skipped the oil).
4. I’m a little torn about peanut butter, because in some contexts it’s actually a food, not a condiment–ie., in a peanut butter and jam sandwich, the peanut butter is clearly the dress and jam’s the accessory, but in ants on a log, it’s the peanut butter that accessorizes (if you make ants on a log with Cheez Whiz I can’t talk to you). In all honestly, I like my peanut butter unadulterated–on a spoon or maybe licked off a cracker. Sorry, was that too much info? Anyway, I find it safer not the keep peanut butter in the house except for special occasions–it’s kind of protein heroin.
5. Swiss Chalet sauce doesn’t sound like a multi-use condiment, but it is. You can pretty much put it on everything available at Swiss Chalet except the desserts and salads–in fact, I’ve tried it on the occasional radish and it’s not bad. I’ve never had Swiss Chalet sauce outside of the restaurant, but I imagine it would go nicely on most meats and potatoes, plus steamed or boiled vegetables. I know, there’s such a thing as powdered Swiss Chalet sauce that I could buy at the grocery store, but it scares me–what if it’s not as good?
6. Barbeque sauce is the bomb! I like it on everything–makes a good salad dressing in a pinch. My dad makes a really good one, but if he’s not available, most of the bottled sauces in the store are just fine. Not for the *Fast Food Nation* faint of heart, but I actually really like the McNugget BBQ sauce. Even better is to eat some of the BBQ sauce, then once there’s space in the little tub, pour in a bit of the McNugget sweet-n-sour sauce. You can stir it with a fry!
7. Honey mustard also makes a good emergency salad dressing. For a mad condiment lover, I don’t really like most salad dressings–they are too greasy for me. Even the totally fake non-oil dressings are starting to squick me a bit, and in the sugar versus fat contest, I MUCH prefer sugar. Honey mustard has a nice little hit of sugar, while still being slightly spicy. Mix it with a little soy and some sriracha sauce (not on this list because it’s too spicy to pass the spoon test) and you have yourself an awesome stir-fry sauce! Also, by far my favourite condiment option at Subway.
8. Marinara sauce is not strictly a condiment–if you have it on pasta I guess it’s sort of part of the meal. But if you have it in a little plastic cup for dipping pizza crust or bread sticks or vegetables (I’m an extrapolator), it’s definitely a condiment, and a delightful one. Just watch out for chain pizzerias that dump a lot of sugar in their marinara, I think in an effort to remind children of ketchup. Marinara should be savoury, and a little spicy! That is all.
9. Frosting. Obiviously.

September 23rd, 2010

Rose-coloured and Mark reviews Lucky Stars Candy

We taped this review ages ago–the candy has long since been eaten–but I forgot to transcribe it until today, when Mark and were discussing the *next* item we might review. So better late than never!

RR: Lucky Stars candy come in a little tin Chinese takeout container. It’s red…

MS: There are pictures of roses on it and a Hello-Kitty-esque cat.

RR: I’m pretty sure that’s Hello Kitty.

MS: Is that Hello Kitty? Ok.

RR: I think…yes, that’s the [same] brand–it’s made by Saurio and the “o” is shaped like a heart. In the tin are red and white stars. (surprisingly loud sound of crunching) They’re crunchy. Maybe you’re supposed to suck on them.

MS: I think you are. I think they’re a bit too hard to bite through right away.

RR: Well, I can do it, but I’m not sure I’m supposed to do it.

MS: It’s quite a bit of flavour there if you…sit there and suck.

RR: So they’re red and they’re white…is there a difference?

MS: Mmm, I don’t know. (crunching)

RR: These were a gift to me from a friend who went to Vancouver island where apparently you can get a lot more Asian stuff than you can in Toronto. I mean, the writing on this is in English but

MS: there are some Chinese characters on the side.

RR: I wonder where it was manufactured. Hold the recorder?

MS: Certainly.

RR: Made in China, but distributed by Boston America Corp.

MS: Well, that is something. Yeah, I think the white ones do taste different.

RR: They kind of remind me of a SweeTart. Yknow, compressed dextrose?

MS: Yeah.

RR: It’s *cool*. Like, instead of sugar, which is gritty, when you finally bite into these it’s a very soft cool powder.

MS: Yup, you’re right.

RR: I’ve had this forever, I had like 2 when I opened it, but they haven’t gone stale.

MS: I wonder who the target audience is for these. They seem a bit small to give to a young child.

RR: I think that probably the target audience is people who love adorable boxes and are willing to buy them and eat whatever’s inside, in order to later put paperclips or jewellery in this box.

MS: Yeah.

RR: I mean, the candy’s nice enough, but most candy makes me want to eat all of it immediately, and this does not make me want to do that.

MS: No, this is a candy that you just sort of take little nips at and savour.

RR: It’s really just sweet, and a little tiny bit of flavour. And it’s more adorable than anything. It’s designer candy. I shudder to think what this cost.

MS: I think it should also be noted that the candies themselves actually have a little bit of design to them. The stars have little raised edges on their arms.

RR: They’re really pretty. Good to decorate a cake or something. I’m not not enjoying them, but I’m kinda done now. I’ll have more later, or next week.

MS: Yeah, I think we’re done.

August 18th, 2010

Awesomeness

I thought I pulled a muscle in my neck, but it seems to be more or less all right now.

I thought there were no more TCBYs (This Country’s Best Yoghurt) outlets in Toronto outside of movie theatre snack counters (and the above website says same) but then I found one, on Yonge just North of Isabella, on the west side. It was very exciting (and as tasty as I remember. All the yoghurt tastes like coconut, which as far as I am concerned is a bonus!)

The TCBY (yes, this is a completely separate bullet point) is inside a coffeeshop (though clearly marked from the outside). While there, I saw a man order a large chocolate-vanilla swirl from the frozen-yoghurt side, and a carrot muffin from the coffee shop side. Passing him later, I saw that he had smashed up the muffin and PUT IT IN THE BOWL. It was like ad-hoc ice-cream and cake. Genius.

Amy’s helpful guide to Retail Etiquette for Dummies (even if you are not a dummy, this is still entertaining, in a squirmy, “People sure can be jerks” way).

This awesome video that Zach Wells posted of a toddler reciting a poem from memory, and doing a darn good job of it, too!

Also on the subject of small children, an acquaintance and her husband have gone overseas to adopt a baby, and yesterday they got her! I guess I shouldn’t share their personal blog URL, but I have to tell you, people experiencing that level of happiness is pretty mindblowing.

June 8th, 2010

More advices

I suggest

–reading Sarah Selecky’s interview on Joyland. Really really practical useful advice, and an interesting interview. I especially like the stuff she said about getting the most out of a workshop–I heartily agree.

–grilling the packaged, pre-marinated tempeh just a little EVEN THOUGH it is technically fully cooked and won’t kill you if you put it directly from the box onto your plate. It also won’t make you very happy.

–not quitting caffeine on a Monday, not doing it cold turkey, and maybe not doing it at all. My brain feels like it is trying to tunnel its way out with an icepick.

April 26th, 2010

Rose-coloured reviews 4lbs of strawberries for $5 at Metro

I consider a good price for a one-pound (454 gram) clamshell of California strawberries to be $2.99–higher in the dead of winter. So when I saw two 907 gram clamshells for $5 at Metro, I was awed (I believe you could also replace one of the boxes with a honeydew melon, but I don’t own knives sharp enough to cut honeydew rind, so I stayed away from that).

My grocery-shopping escort declined a box, claiming he could not eat 2 pounds of strawberries before they went off. I scoffed at this, but quailed at the prospect of 4 pounds, so I just got the one. As it turned out, they still charged me the sale price even though I didn’t buy the sale amount (this is one of Metro’s usual, and nicer, policies)–so my 907 grams cost $2.50. Score!

Unlike much sale-priced produce, my berries aren’t underripe. They are nice and dark and, for imported berries, fairly soft. That’s still not *very* soft–Cali berries always have a bizarro crunch factor that is completely absent in lovely delicate local berries. But the local berries won’t be ready for, minimum, another month, and one of the stranger aspects of globalization is the taste it creates for out-of-season fruits. I want berries *always*, not just the six weeks you can pick them in southern Ontario. So Cali berries it is.

These are, I think, the best of their kind I’ve seen. They are nice and sweet (most of them, anyway) and very few off berries (just one in the box so far, and even that was likely edible). I am very impressed. And what’s more, it was not my box–I looked at the others stacked up and the Yonge & College Metro (can’t vouch for any others) and they looked uniformly dark red and healthy. Yum.

Running into this sale was fortitous for a Sunday when I skipped lunch in favour of a poetry vending machine launch and wound up eating a giant burrito at 4pm, because a big fistful of berries plus cereal made a really great supper around 8 that evening. Life is good…but I can’t wait for Ontario berries.

RR

April 2nd, 2010

Rose-coloured and Mark review Strawberried Peanut Butter M&Ms

I can’t tell you how much I enjoy doing this series.

RR: Hello and welcome to the 3rd installment of Rose-coloured and Mark review bizarre candies that we find in our travels. Mark has been to America. Mark, would you like to tell us what you have brought back from America?

March 15th, 2010

It’s come to my attention…

That some young Canadian musicians took K’naan’s Waving Flag song, possibly the most perfect song to play on the radio in a good while, and made a slightly less good version to benefit victims of the earthquake in Haiti. I thought this idea was genius when I first heard about it, because it’s such a great song about personal empowerment and strength, but a little hazy on the details so it could conceivably work for lots of things (full disclosure: I don’t know what it was originally about). They added some specifics anyway (“out of the darkness / in came the carnage”–oh, dear) and a rap bridge (yikes) but it is kind of cool to hear all those voices rising together at the end. So I recommend you buy the less good version, because it’s a good cause and a song that you really can’t wreck. It’s sort of a superhero song, so maybe it can really do a lot of good for Haiti–look what it did for soccor.

That Rover Arts posted a nice review of the Journey Anthology 21.

That Bonjour Brioche in Leslieville is wonderful. Crowded on the weekends, but seriously, any carb in the place is probably gold. And waitress sometimes talk to each other in French.

RR

March 8th, 2010

That’s what I like

The song with my favourite lyrics ever turns out to be cowritten by Sam Shepard, which of course does not make it any better, but does sort of up the interest factor in Shepard for me. I’ve only read the occasional New Yorker story by him–does anyone want to recommend what play to start with?

Sunshine on tulips! The ones on my dining-room table look like this and are absolutely splendid.

The weather this week! Yesterday was perfect wandering around weather and I hope that’s what you did. And now, we don’t have to panic, because the rest of the week will be nice, too. But then next weekend, it’s supposed to be 5 or 6 degrees and snowy, which makes no sense. But we have five glorious days until then.

Taco King at Danforth and Donlands. I’m linking to a largely negative post because it’s all I can find–but most of those people didn’t eat there, just looked at the pictures through the window. I think it’s great–cheap fast Mexican food that does not come out of a box, bag, or tube (ie., no cheese of the whiz variety). After a lovely delivery experience (embarrassingly, me and my dining companion ordered so much they gave us three forks–we thought at those prices the portions would be small but they weren’t) I went on Saturday to see the establishment. They grill the chicken in front of you and apparently the tortillas are homemade, and everything’s a wicked good deal. Let’s not let prejudice taint a good thing–just because the owners and some of the staff are Asian, doesn’t mean they haven’t learned to do Mexican food extremely well! I’m scared it will close because so many restaurants in that area do, and I’ll be back to Moe’s Southwestern, which is actually good too, but I’d rather have local indy than big American chain if I can.

RR

February 4th, 2010

Rose-coloured reviews The Bagel House

Bagels are so often the default food of picky children, harried airport travellers, and breakfast-bar buffets, it’s hard to believe that 25 years ago my dad had to drive across Hamilton to Switzer’s so that my family could have them. And the kids at my tiny rural school, though not quite mocking, were fairly incredulous about my lunches of “bread doughnuts.”

Those were “New-York style” bagels–puffy with a moist crust, denser than bread, still a lot like bread. I don’t know if my New-York-born parents even realized there was another kind, and I don’t really know if, when I moved to Montreal, I realized I was eating a sweeter (they’re apparently boiled in honey water), less salty, denser smaller bagel–with a unique flavour that turned out to be smokiness from being baked in a wood oven. I knew they were a lot harder to cut for the toaster and that they had a wider hole, making it difficult to have a bagel sandwich or really any kind of tidy bagel topping. In the end, though, I also liked them better plain, untopped and untoasted, especially after I discovered Fairmont Bagels near the place I got my hair cut. There, you could buy just one bagel, just hot, and eat it as you walked across the mountain.

Montreal bagels are farther away from the dinner-roll pole, and closer to the soft street-vendor pretzel–I actually remember the Fairmont onion bagels having a bit of kosher salt mixed in with the onion bits–anyone else remember that?

*Anyway,* I’m not much of a bagel-eater on an everyday day–they’re more a special-occasion food for breakfast out in a deli (could also be a problem that I don’t have a toaster). But I searched out The Bagel House in pursuit of a treat for a bagel-loving comrade, and found it’s delightful. The Bayview location (there’s several, and I think they also stock a few grocery stores) is just a teeny store with a couple cramped tables, but you can watch a guy flipping bagels in and out of a huge wood-burning oven, the bagels are amazing and not *that* pricy, and you can get tonnes of Jewish pastries you don’t see anywhere else. Hamantast in winter is a bit dissonent, it’s good to know it’s any option.

The first time I went, it was a Saturday morning, unusual for a Jewish bakery even to be open, but this one was packed (note: every time I’ve been in, the counter staff was exclusively Asian, and the bagel baker African Canadian, but obviously *someone* in the background there is Jewish). There was a lot of quick in-and-out trade–people carrying coffee beans and buying half-dozens with a pot of cream cheese, obviously on the way to a bagel rendez-vous. The tables were all taken up, though, with people (often with kids) eating toasted bagels with a variety of toppings (from Hungarian salami to chopped chicken-liver to a wide variety of fancy-schmancy cream-cheeses.

Which is what the bagel-lover and I did last weekend. We went on a Sunday afternoon, when most people are already safely brunching (but the lady in line in front of us had a bag of Starbucks beans) but there was a still a nice small crowd. I got the most expensive thing on the menu, the classic cream-cheese-n-lox for $5.99, and I was seduced by the “healthy” multigrain bagel. No idea if it was healthy, but it sure was wonderful. Here, look:

(I had to get in that first bite before I bothered getting out the camera.)

December 22nd, 2009

Rose-coloured and Mark review Milk Coffee Pocky